Grow Baby, Grow!

(Written between July 24-Aug 8, 2013)

I worry. Too much, probably. Being pregnant does nothing for my nerves, unfortunately. In fact, I'm pretty sure they have gotten worse.

I haven't experienced many symptoms of pregnancy which is why I was so adamant that I was not pregnant (until I took the test). Right around conception, I was nauseous off and on for about 2 weeks and then it stopped. I just assumed the nauseousness was related to my coffee drinking since coffee had been making me feel that way lately. I guess I was wrong. And guys who are reading this...sorry for any "Too Much Information" that I may be posting...but it just comes with the territory of being pregnant!

Going back to my point: so, no real nausea. Certainly no vomiting. I've been experiencing some fatigue...but I feel like I'm always tired. My breasts have been really sore and swollen, like someone has beat me with a bat repeatedly. That symptom has been very consistent which reminds me that I am pregnant. However, when I woke up this morning, almost all the pain was gone. Of course, I am freaking out because I've read forum after forum about miscarriages and that was one of the things many women who had a miscarriage mentioned. They had sore boobs, then woke up the next morning and nada. Then the cramping and bleeding started. I just keep praying that God has created a healthy baby and it is meant to survive all this.

On Friday, I go in for my urine test. I don't even have a real prenatal visit until probably week 8 and that's still at least 10 days away. This whole waiting game is not enjoyable. Those of you who know me, know that I plan. I LOVE to plan. Which is why I've never really been surprised by anything. No surprise parties. No surprise little things. Well, maybe one or two because Kristi is usually so creative about things... but I plan out everything... all the details of everything that I completely kill the spontaneity and excitement of something happening. Let's see...I knew me and Kyle were going to get married before he even asked. We'd even picked out a date and I had already bought my dress. I knew when he was going to propose. I picked out the kind of ring I wanted. For the wedding, mom tried to surprise me with a photo booth, but I ruined that, too, because I wanted one so bad I didn't even talk to her about it and asked for someone else to do it, so Mom had to come clean so we didn't have 2. And so on, and so forth.

With all of that being said... I hate waiting. I have the hardest time sitting back and letting someone else just take over or just waiting to see what happens because I need to know what's going to happen. With this baby, I can't know. It's like I'm stuck in this dark room with no sign of which way I'm supposed to be going but I have a time limit on how long to get out.

I just have to wait... and wait... and wait. Day by day and week by week, my chance of a miscarriage drops. But, I'm not in the clear yet. I wont be for a while.

Kyle and I pray every night for our baby Cheelay to keep growing and to be healthy. I know God has a plan through all of this...whether or not this baby makes it to full term. I know I am just freaking out about a lot, and that's what I tend to do. I won't be at peace until I reach my 2nd trimester. Also, since no one at this point knows I'm pregnant except like 3 people (since 2 of my friends asked or guessed and I couldn't just lie)... I don't really have anyone to talk to!

Hopefully by the time everyone is reading this, I will have gone to my first prenatal visit and gotten the OK that baby is growing just fine. Until then, I will keep praying!


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Aug 8, 2013

Well as previously written I was freaking out about everything and just 16 days later, nothing has changed. I guess I can't even take my own advice to relax and see what happens. In about 5 days, I go into the hospital to have a registration appointment in the OBGYN department. So, I will FINALLY switch over to that dept and I can finally have my first prenatal appointment! I'm almost 9 weeks and I haven't even seen a doctor yet. Needless to say, I'm antsy and impatient.

The past 2 weeks or so, I have experienced a little more nausea than before. Eating always helps. I'm beginning to wonder if it's my prenatal vitamins that's causing the nausea instead of baby. I started taking the vitamins before I even knew I was pregnant and for several weeks I didn't have any issues. However, I notice when I wait until later in the day to take them, that morning there typically isn't any nausea. Coinky dink? Or are those pesky little pills the reason for my discomfort? Everyone says to just take them at night so I'll be asleep for the absorption part and I won't be bothered by the nausea. I guess I could start that and see if that works.

I know Kyle and I agreed to wait to make any announcements and tell people about the baby until after the 1st trimester. But, I'm a girl and I can't keep any secrets, so I admit I've told several of my friends. I'm pretty sure he's only told one, which makes me feel like an awful person because I'll tell anyone that even asks about babies or pregnancies! I know it will all come to bite me in the butt if something does end up being wrong. That's why I'm praying everything goes okay! :)

Other than that...things are okay here. Already stressing out about after the baby comes. I'm pretty sure someone needs to give me a chill pill because my head keeps reeling about going home on trips with a baby. Lord, have mercy, I'm going to go crazy. Having to show off the baby to everyone and their mother and make sure everyone has a turn that way no one is jealous. I'm praying everyone is understanding and doesn't take offense when Kyle and I end up doing what we want instead of what everyone else wants. Its our baby...not any one else's.  Guess we won't know until we go home and see!

Until my next post...